It's science.

Author’s Note: So this is a blog post I’ve been holding onto for a while. I started it during PST2, but I was hoping to collect some better examples to properly support the message. At this point, I think we can safely call this observation illustrated. Enjoy …


“Try THIS at your schools,” one volunteer dared us. “Give the students critical thinking problems. It’s amazing. The school practically IMPLODES and threatens to take the universe with it. Try it!”

Hyperbole? Yes. Far from the truth? Not so much.

We hadn’t been in Palau long when we realized that teaching English wasn’t going to be so hard, it was teaching critical thinking skills that would be problematic. Even most elementary students can have a fairly easy-flowing conversation with you in English, but the content of the conversation can leave YOU stuttering because of the severe lack of logical and scientific reasoning.

Here’s how it started.

In many Palauan yards you can see bleach bottles. Empty, used, old, white-plastic bleach jugs. You can tell they’ve been strategically placed, but for what??? One day I got up the nerve to ask someone about it. (We’ll let the speakers remain anonymous in this blog post). This is how the conversation went:

“Why do you have bleach bottles in the yard?”

“Eh?”
“The white bottles – this one, this one, this one,” as I point to the bottles. “Why?”
“Mmmmmmm, for the dogs.”
“Eh?”
“The dogs,” as he points to the dogs.
“Yes, I see. The dogs,” I said.
But, hmmm .......... Should I press on? Am I that curious?
Yes, yes I am.
“Why for the dogs? What for?”
“There is a little water in there. Then, the wind across on the top. Makes a noise. And the dogs don’t like it. Then they no poop.”
Wait, WHAT?!
“It makes a noise?”
“Very high. We cannot hear. Just dogs.”
Okay, I can follow that part.
“And they don’t like it?”
“No, they go away to poop.”
“I seeeeeeee. They don’t poop in the yard. Okay. Got it.”

First, I REPORTED this conversation to my husband, the proud recipient of a Bachelor of Science. As I told Nick the story, we turned around to watch one of the dogs take a dump right between two bleach bottles. We tried not to laugh too hard when OBSERVING this EVIDENCE. First, Nick QUESTIONED me because he thought I might be making it up for a laugh. When I was adamant about it, he HYPOTHESIZED that perhaps I was just given an easy answer, since I’m a female and was asking a male for the information or something. Who knows. Then the next day, to TEST his hypothesis, Nick asked for the same information himself. The RESULTS clearly show that the content of my initial information-gathering was in fact the commonly accepted explanation for bleach bottles in the yard. (Nick had the exact same conversation as I did.) Our CONCLUSION is that in Palau the laws of science and reason don’t apply as they do elsewhere.

As you can plainly see from our findings, in Palau…

1.) Bleach bottles with a SMALL amount of water inside make a HIGH-pitched sound when the wind blows across the top.

2.) Dogs don’t like the high-pitched sound ……… (only) when they’re pooping.

This is amazing information, given the way it works everywhere else in this universe.
It’s science. Don’t worry about it.

A week or two after The Bleach-Bottle Conclusion, a woman explained to us that the reason one of her dogs is fat is because it drinks too much water. (Not because she just gave it a piece of cake.) And that’s why they throw things at the dog when it tries to drink from the spigot. Water weight. It’s science, there's no need to question it. It’s SCIENCE.

Thus “it’s science” became one of our most favorite refrains. Add that one to “homesick” and “welcome to Palau” and you can see we’re beginning our own little lexicon! Since PST2 scientific reasoning has become more and more interesting. I will close with a few of our favorite examples:

• In Anguar (Monkey Island), they refuse to give water to the monkeys because it makes them grow too big. Also science.

• Using hair gel will make you get gray hair. Clearly … science.

• Not talking to your host-father enough will give him Alzheimer’s. And that will be your fault. It’s science.
• Playing dodge ball is dangerous. The kids can get tuberculosis because of the ball’s impact against their chest. Never mind epidemiology. This is science.
• Drinking cold water after a meal will congeal the oil from the food in your intestines and give you cancer. Pretty sure that was in a chain e-mail, which is obviously an authoritative source, so … it must be science.
• If you drink cold water in the months following childbirth you won’t be able to lose the baby weight. In America, we have to do exercises to lose baby weight. (“Whew. Very hard works.”) In Palau, they just have to abstain from drinking cold water. THAT, my friends, is the beauty of ... you guessed it ... science.
• Washing your hair after childbirth makes you lose your hair. Causation, see? It’s science.
• Blueberries (which I have NEVER seen on island) cure PMS. Nutritional science.
• Putting the food in the fridge will make it go bad. Better to leave it on the stove at room temperature (85°F+) than put it in the fridge. Didn’t you know? It’s science.